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july 1, 1999 Well, I got up, turned on the computer and there was nothing on the monitor. Damn. I didn't know if it was the video card or the monitor. But if there was something wrong with the computer, there would be a NO SIGNAL message on the monitor. It must be the monitor. So, I check the plugs, everything is in tight. Mess around with it, turning it on and off. I hear stuff, but there's still nothing on the screen. I told Brian the monitor died. He remembered that it came with a three year warranty. I found the receipt and the booklet. We got in in July 97. And there is a 36 month warranty. Brian wants to just take it back to CostCo, where we originally got it. We still have the box and everything, I had my little monitor stored in it. As a matter of fact, I'm using the little monitor now. But we won't be doing this today, because Brian might have to go to LA to pick up glass tonight and won't be home until late. *sigh* I guess I can start getting my work area ready for my new system. This little screen seems so tiny next to my other one. But at least, this one works.

And Rusty's being naughty again about peeing just anywhere. He peed on the side of the computer yesterday. Last night, he peed on the wall by the tv and this morning, before the sun came up, he came to bed and peed there. I told Brian to get the covers off of him and stripped them off, then went and got us blankets. *sigh* He does this every once in a while, seems to forget his litterbox training. So, here we go again. And I was so scared about Bobby last night, he was so relaxed and sleeping so peacefully, I thought he was dying. I stayed with him on the floor. He ate really well last night, maybe that's why he was so relaxed. I have to keep changing what he's laying on because he pees on it. It still seems like it's hard for him to go, but at least it isn't bloody anymore. He hasn't pooped since yesterday morning, which is worrying me. I gave him a little laxatone this morning, I'll probably do this until he goes.

I have to find many towels to use for him, because he does piddle so much. He just sits there and goes. I've taken him out to the garage, and he goes a little, then comes back in. His back leg seems weaker than it's ever been. Probably because he hasn't been using it much. We'll have to work on that. Well, there was something exciting in our news yesterday. I asked Brian this morning "and you want these types of people for neighbors?" Find out what happened here. My mom said this morning that Brian better keep an eye on this. She'll most likely be needed some money and maybe she'll sell her property for half of what the people are trying to get. *snicker*

Hey, Padres are at .500 now. I guess they have the longest streak of winning games since 65. Cool. We use to have season passes, had them for three nights a week. Got to be too much work. We also had season tickets for the Chargers, but right after the strike we seemed to lose interest. Then we changed our seats and we were in the sun for the first part of the game. Well, this one Sunday, some strange people were in the seats behind us, not the regulars, and the man sneezed, didn't cover his mouth, got snot in my hair and never even said excuse me. It really sickened me and we never went again. We got passes for Disneyland shortly thereafter. We don't have a schedule to follow, can go when we want and not feel badly about missing out.

Brian called yesterday afternoon, did I want to go see "Wild Wild West"? We were kind of planning on going Wednesday, but he didn't make it home in time for the 5:30 show and the next show was at 8 and that would have put us home late (for us) and he had to get up to go to work early yesterday, so we passed. Now, yesterday would have been fine, except my belly hurt. I don't know if it was from all of the poking and pushing the doc did Wednesday morning, but I was mighty uncomfortable. It's fine this morning, so I'm sure it was from the examination. I did tell hubby that I would love to try to take the monitor back to CostCo. He was game and when he got home, we packed it up and went to the store. I told Brian "you do this, you talk to them, I hate returning things" and he said "it's your monitor, you tell them, I don't know anything about it" and I said "well, you're the one who remembered the 36 month warranty, you should talk to them". Anyway, I ended up talking. She asked me if I had the warranty card (yeah, here it is in the book, still not filled in). She seemed to think that this was going to be a problem. That possibly we would have to go to the manufacuturer for service. (nononononono!!! I hate having to do warranty service, people are such bunwads about stuff and it will take foreeevvveeeerrrrrrrrrrr to get my monitor back, I don't want to go to the manufacturer, I doan wanna, I doan wanna, I doan waaannnnnaaaaaaaa!!!!!) She called her supervisor over and he checked it out, then they went to the manager and asked him/her. They both came back and we were told since we had been customers for so long (since 1983) that they would just refund our money. (YAY!!! happy dance!!! new monitor for me!!! new monitor for me!!! what timing, right when I'm supposed to be getting a new computer!!! could it possibly get any better?). She counts out the cash, $507 and change. We go outside, grab another cart, go back into the store and we head for the monitors. "There!! There!! That's the one I want!!!" Brian looks at one that has about 1/2 inch more viewing room than the one we just returned, but $100 less than the model I'm looking at. The one I'm looking at has two inches more viewable area. It's a big screen. I want it. He looks at it, says there aren't any good ones left (because the boxes were a little banged up) but he pulls out the best looking box and puts it in the cart. We do a little more shopping, I get a case (with five six packs) of Miller Gold Draft Light and he gets a case (four four packs) of Seagram's coolers. We get more paper bowls for feeding the cats (I'll tell you, that was a great idea; clean bowls every night without having to wash them). We got a couple of other things, waited in line, paid the man and left fifty dollars ahead of when we walked in. Pretty amazing how quickly technology gets better and prices drop. I'm happy. When we got home, I came back to the office and cleaned my desk where the monitor belongs. Then when Brian got back from the grocery store, we got the new monitor put in place. Nice. Real nice. Then we took the old monitor out and Brian put it in the exercise room. I had asked him if he's mentioned anything to his brother and he only told him we're getting a new system. Nothing about our plans for the old one.

I'm a little worried about Bobby. He hasn't pooped since Tuesday morning. I still have some vetasyl left from Bart's bout with constipation and I called the vet this morning and asked if it would be okay to give it to Bobby. I was given the go ahead and I was told that it's just a mild laxative, but I said I don't want to take any chances with medications, so I figured I'd call just to be safe. I put a half a capsule in some heated up Fancy Feast. He ate it right down. He's acting more alert, actually started talking again. I put him in the garage to eat dinner last night and he ate quite a bit. Then started to walk back into the house and decided it was easier to just drag his back leg. *sigh*

Maggie was vocal this morning. She just sat on the patio, meowing. I went outside, picked her up and petted her, walked around a little bit. I notice some matting on her right leg. I brought her in and started to snip some of them out. And then I got the *brush* with stiff metal teeth, made for mats. It does a great job of getting out loose hair, but it also pulls mats out and that hurts. She wasn't very happy, but I got a bunch off of her.

I didn't get around to changing the sheets until late, after 9:30 last night. Brian came in and helped, which was nice. Then he said "well, I'm going to take a shower then go to bed." Clean sheets always mean showers before we get into them. I'm weird about that. How enjoyable are clean sheets when the body isn't? So, he took his shower and while he was in the shower, I channel surfed, found out something new (duh) about our controls, that to see what's coming up next, I just have to hit the right arrow key. Saw that "Murphy's Romance" was on at ten and went to that station, then went to take my shower. While we had been doing the bed, I had the tv on in the bedroom. Brian didn't turn it off and when I got done with my shower, he was watching the movie. If I hadn't turned it off, he would have stayed up until it was over. He's like that.

Then, geez, I don't remember what time it was, but Buddy started barking and barking and barking. I laid in bed, waiting for Brian to get up, but he didn't. So, I did. I went out in my nightgown, found Buddy back at the fence, yapping his fool head off, called him, he came, and into the shop he went and I shut the door after him. I let him out when I let the cats out this morning.

I have no idea how many cats I'm feeding at night. But Cleo has been getting here earlier than the others, first in line. She walks into the entry way, sits quietly, watching me dish the food out of the big bowl into the little bowls. She's usually eating by the time I go into the house. She's so tiny and so pretty.

Oh, and I'm outta GeoCities. Cleaned out my directory last night. No more fooling around with them. The free tile backgrounds and borders have been moved to my L V Designs site.


july 4, 1999 I am so frustrated right now, I'm ready to start crying. I had written about from Friday until now, just about finished with the diary and my system froze and I know it's because of the stinking realjunkbox. I'll start over.

Friday, the new computer showed up. There were two big boxes and one small box. I opened the small box, curious what was in there. It was a set of speakers. Well, that's another thing Mark gets. The speakers I have came with a woofer. Nicer than the new ones, I think. I called Sean, my computer guy, right away, to make arrangements for him to come out and do his stuff. We set up a tentative schedule for Saturday. I got to thinking about why there would have been two big boxes. There should only be one big box. I checked them. One was a monitor. I didn't need a monitor. I didn't order a monitor. I wasn't going to pay for a monitor. Bottom line. So, I call Gateway, the number my sales rep gave me last week. I left a message, he never returned it. It figures. I call their customer support, explain the situation. They'll be sending me labels in the mail so that I can return the monitor. I never opened the box, just pulled it into the exercise room so that it didn't get peed on by any kitty.

I was a bad girl Friday. I had to go to the bank and Brian wanted me to find out why the new battery he bought for the portable phone wasn't charging. We thought it might be the adaptor and that we possibly need a new one. I figured I'd take care of it on my rounds. What a pain in the butt. The GTE store was really busy and I had to wait for 20-25 minutes, only to find out they didn't sell adaptors. Great. Wonderful. Peachy. But, he did *give* me an adaptor battery that gives us the ability to use the phone with a cigarette lighter. Not much use, though, when Brian wants to carry the phone with him. He's been working on a boat and it would be so much more convenient for him to just use the portable phone and not have to walk back to his truck. When I got home, I went online and looked at Motorola's website and ordered an adaptor for under $10.

After I had gone to the bank, I thought that peanuts sounded good. I went to Long's drugstore and bought a can. And I bought two $100GRAND bars. Bad idea. Then, I thought I might as well get something more substantial to eat and stopped by Carl's Junior's, got a burger, zucchini and a soda. I ate one of the candy bars on the way home, then ate my burger and zucchini. An hour or so later, I ate the other candy bar. Oh, was I sick. I felt so bad. I didn't eat dinner, took some antacid medication. Didn't work. To top it all off, for whatever reason, stress, exercise or ????, my side started to hurt again. Great. I felt like crap all night Friday night and Saturday morning. I thought about laxatives, but didn't know when Sean would be here, so I held off on them, even though I knew they would help me feel better. Sean finally called and said he could be here between four and five. That was fine with me. I had started cleaning the house and this gave me more time to get stuff ready in the office.

But Bobby wasn't acting right. The vetasyl had worked, he had a nicely formed little pile of poop close to his bed. And his bed wasn't wet. I had been changing the bedding at least four times a day and this was strange. It should have sent off red flags waving all over the place, but it didn't. We almost lost Bobby yesterday. Yesterday afternoon, he was acting very lethargic. He was just laying there, staring into space. I called some online friends and one told me that he sounded like he was dehydrated, that he needed fluids. I got some water down him and he ate a jar of turkey baby food. But then, he just laid there, rested his head on the edge of his water bowl and his nose started to drop down into the water. He didn't care. I was terrified. I called my vet, left a message with that bitch answering service. They told me he was out of town. Well, they told me that before. I called another local doctor, paged the number on the message. No answer. I called CatLadyDi again, my friend in New York. Once again, she urged me to get him to emergency. I took her advice. Sean had showed up during this, at a quarter after five and started working on the computer. I talked about how to pay him if he got done by the time I got home. I went outside, told Brian I was going to emergency. I couldn't just watch Bobby die if it was something that could be easily taken care of.

I put Bobby in the carrier and placed him in the seat next to me. He was so unresponsive. I told him "don't die, Bobby, please don't die. We'll get you taken care of, we're going to the doctor now, please, don't die" and I wouldn't have been surprised had he been gone by the time we got there. There were two people in line at the office and the first one was taking all of this stuff out of a bag and telling the tech what this was and what that was and I was getting extremely irritated. My cat was dying. I told the woman directly ahead of me and she let me in front of her. They immediately took Bobby from me and I gave them a brief history. They brought the carrier back to me and told be that Bobby was blocked. Oh, my God!!! When the vet did those tests, he found no crystals or anything that *I* know of that would do this. They said his bladder was the size of a softball, very, very full. This really shook me up. I should have known, I should have seen it, I deal with blockages so much, but this completely blew by me. One of the employees brought me a form to sign, for emergency treatment. I did so with shaking hands. Then they called me into an examining room to discuss what was happening with Bobby and to get a history. She told me their plans, mentioned that Bobby's heart was beating irratically, mentioned how thin he was and asked about blood panels (complete one done November 98 because the vet was concerned about Bobby's weight loss, excellent condition for everything). I told her about the events last weekend, what the vet had found and what we were treating Bobby with. And I told her that if this was something that was terrible, that would draw his life out in pain, I didn't want extraordinary measures. That was so hard to say out loud. She told me that they wanted to keep him until Monday morning and run tests on him to find out *why* this happened. She said it might be a blood clot from the hemorraging and that if it was, it could happen again. Anyway, she said that someone would be in with the estimate (it goes from minimum charge for care to the have to pay the minimum for them to treat your pet). After I wrote a check for $699.00, I came home. I called on the truck phone and Sean answered. I told him the deal with Bobby and that I was on my way home. For him to relay the message to Brian. He told me that there had been some problems with the system and that we could talk about them when I got back. Which took about ten minutes.

When I got back to the office, Sean said that we couldn't put in the scanner and the second parallel port. I figured the webcam was more important than the scanner and Sean said that I could get a new scanner for around $100 that would work with the USB hookup. Looks like Mark is also getting a scanner since I won't be able to use this one. He'll have it all. Except, remember that Sean added another hard drive to my system earlier this year? Well, he copied all of my C and D files over onto it and pulled it out of the old computer and put it in the new one. So, I have almost 20G in my new system. Wow. While we were talking, the phone rang and it was the doctor. She sounded positive. Bobby was doing much, much better. It seems that the infection he has is resistant to the amoxicillan and the antibiotics he was getting everyday weren't doing a thing. His bladder was full of bacteria, his system full of infection. She said that quite possibly his kidney values would be because of the infection, too. She said it looked good for him. What a relief this was to hear.

Sean finally got done with everything, testing to make sure everything looked as it should, everything was working properly, rechecked the old system and did a little tweaking and that was it. He was here for five hours, only charged us for four. Nice guy. Here's a picture of him:

I didn't sleep well last night, less than four hours total, thinking about Bobby and all of the things I have to do with the new system, transferring old files and re-installing programs. I got my bookmarks and mailboxes transferred over this morning. Everything is still here, I just have to arrange it. I got up at a quarter to six and came back here and started to get things going, like the catcam. I called the clinic at 7 about Bobby and spoke with the doctor. Bobby is doing much better. Yesterday, they had no problem when they catheterized him, but this morning, he fought them when they tried to take his temperature. Later on, they were going to start him on oral antibiotics. He's much more mentally alert today than he was yesterday and his heart pattern has evened out. She said it was probably beating badly yesterday because of what his system was going through. Oh, thank you, God, thank you for saving my Bobby once again. I'm not ready to say goodbye. And neither is Bobby.


july 5, 1999 The vet called this morning about Bobby. I don't think he'll be with us much longer. He's walking around his cage and eating from their fingers, which means he's more responsive.

He got a blood transfusion yesterday, because after rehydrating him, his red blood cell concentration dropped drastically. When they first did the tests, they were at 28%. After getting fluids in him and getting flushed out, they had dropped to 19%. The cause is most likely his kidneys. After the transfusion, they went back up to 25%, but this morning were at 22%. They want to observe him for another 24 hours. And they want to start him on Epogen, to help his body make more red blood cells.

Bobby hasn't wanted to lay in the sun for a long time. For years after he lost his leg, he would like to go out back and sun himself. We would leave the door open for him, so that he could come in and go out as he pleased. He quit going out and even when we would take him out to get some sun, he would quickly get grouchy. And he never watches the birds at the birdfeeder like the other cats. His early years were spent roaming the 'hood and fighting and being a tough guy. It breaks my heart to see what he's become.

It's almost as if he's losing his will to live. That's okay, because he's been with us for 18 years. Twelve of them were very good years. I just want to let him go peacefully and I don't think I know how to do that. I'm reconciling myself to the fact that he won't be around much longer. Maybe he'll surprise us all and be with us for a while longer. But, you know the old saying "hope for the best and expect the worst". That way the disappointment isn't too devastating. It's just very hard to think about losing him. We lost Sandy in October, Blackie in May. And if God wants Bobby back, well, then he'll take him. I guess my time as Bobby's caregiver will be done. I'm glad that I've had the time with him that I've had. He's been a good cat.

And I'll say goodbye, knowing that we did all that we could for him. I won't wonder "if we had tried this, would it have worked?" I won't be haunted.

Last night, Brian brought Buddy into the house for the duration of the fireworks. Buddy is terrified of loud noises like fireworks, gunshots and thunder. Surprised the heck out of me. I thought he was going to put him in the shop. Buddy was still frightened, but had the conflict of "I'm in the house, I'm in the house!!" vs "those big nasty noises". I sat in the hallway and he came over and I held him for a while and I told Brian he should get some biscuits. Buddy loves biscuits. Junior was going nuts outside. Not because of the fireworks, but because Buddy was "in" and Junior was "out". Brian let Junior in and he just gets so darned wound up. If he would just settle down, but he starts running all over, sniffing and he did the "gotta pee" stance. Buddy is more housebroken than Junior. Junior went out and I went out with him. Finally, the fireworks tapered off and Buddy went back out. When I went out this morning, Buddy looked really strange. His nose is covered in mud!! I have no idea what he was doing, but he looks really funny.

I slept on the couch last night. I started off in bed, then got up to use the bathroom and went and laid on the couch. I like it there when I don't feel good (could it be menstrual cramps? I don't know, I rarely had them, I always had long, heavy periods, but no breast soreness and cramps were pretty much unheard of). The cool night breeze blowing on my face, my body bundled under a warm blanket. I slept so good. I haven't been eating much. I don't seem to be really hungry.

6:51pm The vet's office just called. I had called them around noon and the vet was supposed to call me back. I called again at six, the doctor was on rounds, could she call me back in about ten minutes? I said sure.

All day, I've been saying goodbye to Bobby. I've cleaned up his area in the living room, to make it more comfortable for him. I've talked to many of my friends, who have been so supportive throughout this entire ordeal. I talked about how I didn't want him to have to be kept alive because I couldn't let him go. I thought about Bobby at the bridge, how nice it will be for him to be whole again, to have all of his legs back. To cross that street and not have to worry about dodging cars. I thought about how much I'll miss the old guy, his cries at night to be put back up into his bed. Sitting next to me, pawing at me for attention. It was a hard day for me and my stomach has been upset. I've not eaten at all, I've only had water and a diet Pepsi, which didn't help my stomach at all. I prepare myself for what the vet is going to tell me. This is the fourth doctor I've spoken with and I'm getting really depressed. I just want Bobby at home, where he can rest comfortably.

Forty minutes later, the phone rings. I've been carrying the portable phone with me so that I don't miss the call when it comes in. The vet introduces herself. She says "Bobby is doing much better." I started to cry. I've been waiting all day to hear the worst and this news is totally beyond my comprehension. It's so hard to describe my feelings right now. She told me that his red blood count had leveled off at 23%. His bilorubin values were off, but that's to be expected after a transfusion. She just told me so much that it didn't all sink in. She said he's been eating, and he's actually fighting with them when they have to do stuff. That's my Bob.

Anyway, I'm just so relieved right now. I might not post until later tomorrow until he's home.


july 6, 1999 I called ER this morning and they are concerned about Bobby's dribbling. We decided that I would take Bobby over to my vet from their clinic. They called ahead. Brian isn't happy now, he's upset that it's costing so much money. He sees no reason to spend so much and have Bobby live for only six months, and miserably at that. What he doesn't seem to understand that what Bobby has isn't terminal, like cancer. It's a bladder infection that got out of control and hopefully, can be fixed. Bobby may live a couple of more years. It's worth it to me. I asked if he wanted Bobby to die from blocking, a painful death and he said "no, of course not" and I said "did you want him put to sleep?" No answer. That was answer enough. He did. He would prefer Bobby being put down to spending this money on him. Oh, well, if he really wants to get pissy about it, I'll sell the Mustang and put the proceeds in a bank account just for vet care. My mom said this morning that she would buy the car. That way, when she's gone, we'd get it back.

I took Bobby out to the truck and put him on the seat. He was so glad to see me, he turned his body around in the carrier and let me scratch his head and neck while I was driving and rubbed his face on my fingers when I wasn't scratching. I was so happy for his loving that I started tearing up. I got to my vet's office and Shari said "why does this stuff always happen on the weekend?" The vet was with another client, finished up with her and came in to the examining room where Bobby and I were waiting. He looked beat. I asked how was his weekend. It wasn't good, he replied. He looks at Bobby. What's the problem? I tell him about the weekend, giving him a brief recap about what they did to Bob. They sent over the files for Bob and the doctor scanned through them. "Why did they give him a transfusion?" I told him about the RBC being 28% before hydration and dropping to 19%. He said "that's not low enough to warrant a transfusion." "Why didn't you call me?" he asked. I did, I said, but the answering service said you weren't in town. He said "well, I was seeing people all weekend long for emergencies. They were able to get through, how come you couldn't?" I told him about the other couple down at emergency (remember the lady who was ahead of me, who let me take her turn? My regular vet is also her regular vet) who had been told the same thing. I told him "I hate your answering service." He told Shari to call them and to tell them that when a client says "call the doctor" to call the doctor. I said "when you check your messages from them, there will be one from me". He couldn't understand why I've gotten through before and not this weekend. I don't know, I can't say. I call, I leave a message. Beyond that, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I wasn't happy about it either. I could tell the transfusion really bothered him. He took the file and said that he'd read through this mess later. Who knows what else he'll find that was unnecessary. *sigh*

Brian started painting the house yesterday. He would have finished, but ran out of paint. The front of the house is the same color as the shop and the stucco is a lighter shade of blue. It's looking really nice. Well, Brian's out there not painting or making any noise. The neighbor, the one who I fought with about the trees, walked out of her house with her oldest daughter. She looks at our house and says to her daughter "it's awful!!" Then she sees Brian. She obviously didn't whisper what she had said and when she realized that he must have heard what she said, she started to say something. He said "don't say anything, I heard what you said". I think it's pretty funny myself. Brian said that I should tell her...and I broke in and said "I'm not going to bring it up. If she brings it up, I'll say "aren't you happy that the trees have been trimmed back so far and you get a much better view of it?" *BEG*

My Quicken program isn't printing descriptions out on the checks. I guess I'll have to figure out why. What fun.


july 8, 1999 Bobby is home. This is the situation. He comes home at night and in the morning, I take him back to my vet. The vet feels it's better for him to be home at night, in familiar surroundings and with familiar people. It should be more relaxing for him. In the mornings, I take him back to my vet. He didn't eat much for me the first night home, but according to Jennifer, he chowed down at the vet's. After two days of observation, the vet thinks that Bobby has urethral spasming. When Bobby is sedated, he's fine. The urine comes out with no problem. It's only when he is able to exert control. The doc said that all we can do is experiment with different treatments. He also feels that this is just a temporary health thing, that once we get Bobby over it, that should be the end of it. I discussed all of this with my mom yesterday and told her if Brian wanted to get real pissy about it, I would sell the Mustang. She said for how much? I said $10,000. She said she'd buy it from us. If that happened, at least I know we'd get it back. And she only drives to the store, the doctor and Costco. I told Brian this last night and he never said another word about the money I'm spending on Bob. You know, if it was something that was terminal, I wouldn't do this. But who knows how much longer he'll have after this is done? He could have years left. He has a strong system, and with the exception of the dog attack, he's been a very healthy cat. Not like Georgie or Kirby. But I do think another little miracle would be nice here. To get over this spasming. But, he is doing better today than he was on Tuesday night, the first night he got to come home. And he had a nice little poop a couple of minutes ago.

I got the old computer ready for it's new owners. Cleaned all of the old stuff off, then re-installed a couple of programs. It took all afternoon until I had it where remnants of old programs didn't come up when the system was restarted. Our new system came with Quicken Basic, but since I already have Quicken Pro, I installed the software on the old computer. And I put in an older version of Paint Shop Pro, so that they can use the scanner. Washed it up, too.

I got myself a new scanner yesterday. A nice one, works from a parallel port or a USB port. It's a *business* scanner from Hewlett Packard. I called Brian yesterday am, told him I was going to get one. He didn't seem really enthusiastic about it, but he didn't ask how much it cost when he got home. He just asked if I got it set up. Spoke too soon. He asked this morning. Then he said "just remember this when I start spending money". Okay. This referring to the Ranchita property. I heard from the real estate agent on Tuesday. He had heard from the attorney of the property owner who is selling the property Brian wants. She's leaning towards selling. And for what Brian's offering. The only thing is she is trying to dissolve the corporation (I guess her late husband was incorporated) so that she won't have to pay taxes. And Brian will have the right of first refusal. We should know within sixty days. This was good news to Brian. But it's going to be a lot of money to us.

I called the trademark office yesterday. The trademark is being published on August 10 and if no objections, it's mine. I should know by the end of September. Which is what was told me in the beginning. That it takes about a year to process.

I heard that my catcam site is in a published book on interet cameras. I ordered the book. I remember talking to the author a year or so ago about how I set it up. I'm curious about what she says in it. Wow. The Little Web Cam Book.

Hey, the visiting dogs in the yard behind us are visiting no longer. Good news. And Cleo brought her kids with her to eat Tuesday evening. They were the first cats here. There is a little red one and a little black one. The red kid is more nervous than the black one. When I looked out, Cleo just sat there and the little black ran outside of the gate. The little red ran behind the miniature rose container. They are so cute. Little red cat faces are adorable. I guess he finally got nerve enough not to run off when he saw me. That food was just too good to run away from, especially when mom and sibling weren't running off. He looked up at me and I fell in love. What a puss he has. Soooo keeeeyyyyuuuuttttteee!!!

I took Bobby back to the vet this morning, about a half hour ago. One of the techs has fallen for him. She took him from me and was holding him, as gently as I do. She was appalled at the job of shaving his leg ER had done. She said she was very careful when she took his bandage off yesterday, actually to the point of soaking it. His poor little leg is red and raw. He's doing so much better, I have to admit. Shari even said that this morning. She said "look, his tail is twitching" which means he's having some sort of emotion. Anyway, I'm glad to know he has a champion there, someone who has taken him under his wing. She said that she goes back and talks to him and gives him a nice thick soft towel to lay on during the day. Bobby rested much better last night, much more relaxed than Tuesday night. He was peeing much better and didn't seem to be straining nearly so much. He was still straining, though. I'm going to check into getting some pee pads. I know they have them for changing babies, those things that are put under the kid while changing diapers. If I can find something like that, it would be more comfortable for Bobby than laying on something that he's wet on.

It's raining. It's muggy. What a surprise the rain was.


july 9, 1999 Bobby's time with us may not be long. I am so afraid to get my hopes up any longer. Yesterday morning, I was so positive about Bob. I went to our local Rite Aid to find piddle pads and an employee referred me to Professional Medical Services, where they have pads that are what I'm looking for. I bought two bags of large, 40 in all. Once home, I continued getting my old programs installed in the new system. The phone rang about 3:30. It was the vet. Bobby still isn't urinating without the catheter. It seems that his urethra is spasming shut and nothing can get through. The vet said there are two courses that we can take at this time. One is the medication that he doesn't feel good about. The other is to catheterize Bobby for at least three days non-stop in hopes that the catheter stretches the urethra. Bobby would have to stay at the vet's, though, the vet doesn't believe (and rightly so) that our home is sterile enough to have Bobby on catheter here. Add to that the problem of the other cats. He said that with this Bobby has a 50/50 chance. *sigh* I'm worn out. I'm beat. Everytime I think we have this thing licked, something else presents itself. I don't want him to go, but I don't want to drag this out forever. It just isn't fair to him. It hasn't been two weeks yet and it seems like it's been years. I'm numb. I asked the vet what he would do if it was his cat. He said go for the catheterization. I said okay, paged Brian. Told him I just don't know what to do, if we should do the catheterization or just let Bobby go to the bridge. It would be a shame to have come so far to quit now, but if this doesn't work....... I wanted him to make the decision, I just can't think straight. Brian said he would be home shortly, we could talk then. So, I'm sitting here, my mind going over and over what the vet said, am I doing the right thing, please, just give me a sign and the phone rang. It was Brian, he said let's do the catheterization. And then we can say goodbye if that doesn't work. I posted in a few places last night, hoping for some alternative treatments. Nothing much has turned up. I'm losing hope. I walk into the room where Bobby had been and don't even look for him. Death sucks. And I think that's what's happening here.

I found out why my garden has been doing so poorly. I hadn't been watering it enough. I put the sprinkler in there a couple of days ago instead of hand watering. And the corn is growing. The pepper plants are growing. Yesterday evening, I was out there digging little trenches to fill with water and soak into the roots. It was therapeutic. Here are some pictures of the garden this morning. Oh, that blue on the building? That's the same color as the house. Our "awful" house. Oh, and if you real close, you can see the zucchini in picture number three. That's Maggie in front of picture one.

I kind of got into it with my mom last night. She seems to feel we should just give up on Bobby, even though I told her the decision was already made. I wasn't asking for her advice, just her support. Then she started in on how much it was costing and he was an old cat and on and on. I told her that I never told her that she should have her dog put to sleep when he was so sick. She said he's not as old as Bobby and I said dogs don't live as long as cats. I never told her she shouldn't spend as much money as she wanted on him. She kind of backed off, but it was still a bad phone call. She was better this morning.

I know that what happens will be for the best. I just wish I had an inkling of what was to be. What life has in store. The death of Hollywood was devastating for us, but look what good came of it. Beverly Cameron was put out of the business of selling live animals. Who knows how much heartache that saved future pet owners. We took more cats in, something which I really don't think would have happened otherwise. Brian modified the fence to keep the cats in and I put the information up on the internet, to help other cat owners do the same. I don't know what I learned from Blackie's death, maybe there was no lesson to be learned. Just to be compassionate for creatures less fortunate than us. But I don't have to learn that. I think God blessed me with that from the day I was conceived. Everything in life is a learning experience. But, damn, these lessons can be so hard.

Hug a loved one today, just because.

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lisaviolet is fifty something, married with no kids, takes care of lots of cats, likes taking photographs, loves Southern California weather and spends altogether too much time avoiding her responsibilities.

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