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the song is "ramblin' man"

September 4, 1998

Sumfin happuned dis week dat reemyndud me uv sumfin dat happuned las mumf.

Aftur us kiddeez wuz owt, meowmie wuz walkin by da frunt dore an lukked owt bak. Dere I wuz, in a kumfee spot, wachin da yard beehynd us. Not much tew see, but it wuz a noo place tew luk frum. An dat dum hoomin, my meowmie (hoo embarrassus me sew much) kame runnun owt an got me down. I wuz layun on da top uf da wyur dat iz offur da big fing dat maykes noyz wen da big waddurmonstur hole comes tew lyf. Shee sed sumfin bowt its tew eezee fur yew tew jump onna fence frum heer, den go inna uvver yard. Den she bendud sum uf da wyre bak tew keep me off uf dat part. Sheesh....I alreddy wuz dare an it aynt nuffin I wanna see agin...let me tell yew dat storee in my own wurds (korse meowmie alreddee tole hur syde uf da storee in hur diaree, on august 19, but sheez all rong, az ushooyul).

It wuz a hot summurs afturnoon an da sun wuz shynun. Meowmie had alreddee puttud owt fude fur da cats inna uvver yard an she wuz inna hows onna pooter ur reedin da paypur ur sumfin. Enneeway, I wuzunt wurreed bowt hur. But dat fuud dat she puts offur dare shur smells gudgud. An I heerd uffer kiddees an a tayul waggur, tew. It sowndud lyke doze kiddeez didunt lyke dat tayul waggur furree much an I wannud tew see it an sho dem kiddeez how tew tayk kare uf tayul waggurs. Ize spereeunst wif dis, seeyun az we haf free uv ar own tayul waggurs heer. See, wen meowmie dumpt da fud fur deez kiddeez, dis tayul waggur wuz eetun it beefur da kiddeez (an darez sum liddul wuns frum wut meowmie sed) kud eet it. Meowmie tryed frowun sum uv ar tayul waggurs fud ofur fur dat tayul waggur tew eet an leef doze kiddeez alone (I heerd hur tell paw dat kiddee fud wuzunt gud fur tayul waggurs). An she frew tayul waggur biskits an a toy an all sortz uf stuf an if dat dum tayul waggur wuzunt eetin da kiddee fud, he wuz chaysin dem kiddeez. Well, see, I wuz gonna show dem how tew stop dis bominayshun frum happenun. I wuz tyurd uf heerin dem runnin an hissin an spittin. But furst, I hadda go ofur dare. I hadda fynd a way.

I walkt long da bottum uf da fence, lukkin up. Nope, not dare. I walked a liddul mower. Tryed runnun up da fence. Nope, dat wyre fingee iz in my way. Jumpt bak down, walked along da bottum some mower. Dare wuz no way I wuz gonna mayke it dis way. Dat dumdum wyre fingee wuz blokkin da hole fence. *hiss spit* I gotted onto da wudpyle tew fink fings frew. I lukt ofur at da fence frum ware I wuz pondurin da predikuhmint. I lukt ofur at da wyre fingee and lissuned tew dat dum tayul waggur chaysin doze kiddees. I jus hadda help dem.

Now, my meowmie haz called me intrepuhd befur an I wuz insultud until she reedud tew mee owt uf da hoomin buk uf meenuns. She reeded owt lowd - "intrepuhd: karakturized by resoloot feerlessnuss, forteetood, an enduruns". Well, yep, dat sowndz jus lyke me, I gess. I aynt frayd uf nuffin an I jus woan kwit til I fyndz a way. An dats jus wut I had tew dew now, tew fynd a way tew safe dem kiddeez frum dat tayul waggur. Az I lukkt ofur at da fence, I hadda fot. Yep, I fink I kan dew dis!! I walked arownd da wudpyle, lukkun ofur at da fence frum difrunt places. I kan dew I if I stand jus ryte. I balunsed myownself onna edje uv a old standun sink dat paw sez heez gonna uze sumday. I pushed off. YES!!! I mayde it!! I wuz offur da wyre fingee an onna fence!! Now, I kud go help doze kiddeez!! I lukked down at dem an sed "kiddeez!! hay!!! up heer!! onna fence!! Doan let dat tayul waggur chayse yew an eet yur fud!!! Darez mennee uf yew an yew haz clawz. Yooze dem!!! Wen he gets tew close tew yew, jus slap him. Heez not a big tayul waggur at all. I fink maybee heez jus loanlee, cuz doze hoomins dare, day aynt gudgud hoomins tew haf a tayul waggur. Dey jus leef him all by hisownself all day, wif no won tew talk tew. He kan be a gudgud fren, jus let him no dat hee kant eet yur fud an hee kant chayse yew iffen yew doan wanna bee chaysed. Jus put yur claws owt an slap him!!! Wait!! I'll kum ofur an show yew."

I wuz maykin my way down, wen meowmee saw me. *sigh* She runrunrunned ofur tew da fence an grabbed me by my nek fur. "Jus wut dew yer fink yew ar dewin?" she asked. I told hur wut I wuz dewin, but she wudunt lissen. She putted me bak onna grownd in my own yard and went inna shop an brott sum wyre owt. I wached her cut peesus off an wrap wut wuz alreddee onna fence. I shaked my hed. She's sew dum, no smartur den one uf dem tayul waggurs sumtymes. She finished wut she wuz dewin and wen inna hows. I went bak tew da wudpyle an bak ofur tew da fence. "Hay, kiddeez, I'm kummin ofur tew yew!!" I heered meowmie yellin "BENNY" reel lowd. Den she grabbed me agin an putted me on the grownd. Not furree gentlee eefur, I myte add. Den she putted dis fing tew her eer an wuz talkin into it. Den paw cayme hoam an she walked wif him along da fence. He went into da shop an bringed a role uf wyre wif him. He playced it along da fence by da wud part uv da yard dat da pule stuff iz on. He sed dat he fot maybee I kud jump frum dare. An day putted up da wyre. *snicker* But ware dey putted it, wuzunt ware I wuz jumpin ofur. I wayted fur dem tew leef, den I mayde my moof. Cept, meowmie wuz wachin dis tyme. It wuz tyme fur kiddees in enneeway, so dare wuzunt much mower I kud dew now. I wud jus wayt till da nex litetime.

Aftur darktime wuz ofur an it wuz da next litetime, paw went owt an got mower wire. He putted it along da hole bak fence, attacheen it tew da fence dat wuz alreddee dare. Dis didunt luk gud. I climbed onna wudpyle an sat dare lukkin at dat wyre. Spit. Wut wuz I gonna dew now? Maybee I kud climb ofur dat wyre. I gess I wudunt no until I tryed it. So, I did. I jumpt ofur. But. Meowmie hurd me. She kaym runnun oudda da hows again. I wuz hangin at da top uf da wyre an I lukked bak at hur. "Hi, Meowmie" I smiled at hur. Benjamin, get down frum dare rite now, she sed. Den she walked ofur an grabbed me an *sigh* wunce agin my plans wur foyled. She lukked all ofur da wudpyle now, an startud moofin fings. She moofed da barbee q. She moofed wud. She moofed da hozus dat wuz pyled on top uf da sink. Den she lukked at da sink. She saw da scraches in it. Da fresh wuns. She talked inna fing on hur eer an den paw wuz at hoam. He moofed stuff, tew. He turned da sink so da legs wuz inna air. Den he gotted tew big peeces uf stuff called plywud an mayde it stand strayt inna air. No way kud I balunce myownself on dat. I tryed, but I jus kudunt. Da wudpyle wuz a bust.

Laydur dat day, meowmie wuz layin onna chair by da big waddurmonstur hole an I runned up da fence. I lukked at hur. She sed "yew arn't kute, bennee. Git yurownself down".

So, my chansuz uf gowin ofur da fence ar gone az far az I kin tell. But, ya no wut? Doze kiddees lissened tew me. Days aftur my liddul trip, I heerd dat tayul waggur skweel. A kupla tymes. On mower dan wun day, tew. An now, he stayz by da bakdore at da hows an doze kiddeez now eet in peece. An he duzunt chayse dem enneemower eevur.

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